Tired of Being Sick! Seeking Help From Above!

I can't seem to get rid of my cold. Maybe it is stress related. But I think it is helping me let go of things that need to be let go. Work, family, and life in general pull me in different directions. Sometimes I don't even realize the anger I have until I'm too sick to keep up the facade. Then I am forced to see the emotions and deal with them. It is hard to let go. It is hard to let things be-to give them to God and to listen to Him. We talk all the time to God, "help me with this", "care for my family". And I know God is happy to hear, to listen, and to respond to us. But we can also be open with Him, let go, and listen to Him.

Some days you just have to ask yourself, "What is going on with my life"? I've been accused of analyzing things too much, and I cannot really disagree with that. So how can one discern a serious life altering examination of their life and a pointless, obsesive compulsive act of circular reasoning? I'm not sure, but the events of the last month force me to look at life and death.

So many people throughtout the ages have searched and struggled with spiritually and basic life questions. Three people I want to learn from are Hildegard of Bingan, Teresa of Avila, and John of the Cross. The texts I've found are products of their time and honestly are difficult to wade thought. Some of their questions and dilemas seem archaic to people of the 21 century, but if you search and sift you can find some jewels of wisdom and comfort.

Hildegard of Bingen
“The mystery of God hugs you in its all-encompassing arms."

John of the Cross
from Dark Night of the Soul
" . . .allow the soul to remain in peace and quietness, although it may seem clear to them that they are doing nothing and are wasting their time, and although it may appear to them that it is because of their weakness that they have no desire in that state to think of anything. The truth is that they will be doing quite sufficient if they have patience and persevere in prayer without making any effort.[Lit., ‘without doing anything themselves.’] What they must do is merely to leave the soul free and disenchantment and at rest from all knowledge and thought, troubling not themselves, in that state, about what they shall think or meditate upon, but contenting themselves with merely a peaceful and loving attentiveness toward God, and in being without anxiety, without the ability and without desired to have experience of Him or to perceive Him. For all these yearnings disquiet and distract the soul from the peaceful quiet and sweet ease of contemplation which is here granted to it."

Teresa of Avila
from Interior Castle
"I began to think of the soul as a castle. . . and see how we can enter it. I seem rather to be talking nonsense, for, if this castle is the soul, there can clearly be no question of our entering it. For we ourselves are the castle: and it would be absurd to tell someone to enter a room when he was in it already! But you must understand that there are many ways of "being" in a place. Many souls remain in the outer court of the castle, which is the place occupied by the guards; they are not interested in entering it, and have no idea what there is in that wonderful place, or who dwells in it, or even how many rooms it has. You will have read certain books on prayer which advise the soul to enter within itself: and that is exactly what this means.

A short time ago I was told by a very learned man that souls without prayer are like people whose bodies or limbs are paralysed: they possess feet and hands but they cannot control them."

At the end of the day, all logic has some faults. We've got to make the best choices we can, take responsibility for our failure, and not give up. Pray, listen, and love. I'm trying.