Words Are Not Enough
What can you say when someone dies? Why do we (or me) even feel the need to say anything. All in all I was having a weekend full of learning experiences when I got a call.
My cousin and I were born 6 months apart. I'm six months older. I'm female-He's male. When were little we played lots at my Grandmother's house. There's a snapshot of us sitting on the kitchen floor playing. We're around two or three years old. I'm showing my unrestrained loving nature by giving him a kiss on the cheek.
As we got older, we grew apart. We were raised by very different parents (although our mothers are sisters). Of course we were a little competitive. Especially in elementary school. His parents were divorced, his father pressured him to excel in academics. After 3rd grade I always told my mom I didn't have any homework to get her off my back.
When it came time for college his grades dropped and he lost his scholarship. His dad wouldn't help him pay for school and he dropped out and got a series of uninspiring jobs. My dad was determined I would have what he did not, an education. He basically paid for my college and helped me with the loan process. I got a BA and a decent job. I got married and kept going to school.
A few things my cousin and I have in common are a love of history, the UK (so his mom said), a dislike of the current administration, and depression. In our family depression is a genetic trait. It's may be the only think all of us on my mom's side of the family has in common. Lucky us!
So, as you could guess, my cousin is dead. The darkness became too much and his hope was gone. Now all us crazy depressed kin will gather together. I wish there was some way to not face them again. It's too much-and what can I do or say-nothing! Nothing can fix this or make it better.
But I will go-it would be pure selfishness if I did not. I'll get through and so will everyone else.
I've tried my usual music therapy. It ended up bringing tears, but at this point I suppose almost anything will. I've e-mailed my buddies in the Cusillo movement. Prayers are going up. Words may not be enough, but they can help ease the pain.
My cousin and I were born 6 months apart. I'm six months older. I'm female-He's male. When were little we played lots at my Grandmother's house. There's a snapshot of us sitting on the kitchen floor playing. We're around two or three years old. I'm showing my unrestrained loving nature by giving him a kiss on the cheek.
As we got older, we grew apart. We were raised by very different parents (although our mothers are sisters). Of course we were a little competitive. Especially in elementary school. His parents were divorced, his father pressured him to excel in academics. After 3rd grade I always told my mom I didn't have any homework to get her off my back.
When it came time for college his grades dropped and he lost his scholarship. His dad wouldn't help him pay for school and he dropped out and got a series of uninspiring jobs. My dad was determined I would have what he did not, an education. He basically paid for my college and helped me with the loan process. I got a BA and a decent job. I got married and kept going to school.
A few things my cousin and I have in common are a love of history, the UK (so his mom said), a dislike of the current administration, and depression. In our family depression is a genetic trait. It's may be the only think all of us on my mom's side of the family has in common. Lucky us!
So, as you could guess, my cousin is dead. The darkness became too much and his hope was gone. Now all us crazy depressed kin will gather together. I wish there was some way to not face them again. It's too much-and what can I do or say-nothing! Nothing can fix this or make it better.
But I will go-it would be pure selfishness if I did not. I'll get through and so will everyone else.
I've tried my usual music therapy. It ended up bringing tears, but at this point I suppose almost anything will. I've e-mailed my buddies in the Cusillo movement. Prayers are going up. Words may not be enough, but they can help ease the pain.
posted by library lizzy at 2:35 PM
1 Comments:
I'm praying too.
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